Not Enough by Hillary Roby
“Hit me, Baby, one more time!”
The boisterous song ends abruptly. My little elementary frame jumps down off the floral quilt bed and lands with a low bow.
“Yep, nailed that song.” I think to myself and smile.
“Sissy! We need to get to the store.” My mom cheerfully called.
“Okay!” I excitedly yelled back. I enjoyed being with my mom and running errands.
We showed up at the store, and I happily grabbed Mom’s hand, skipping along as we went. She rattled off the things we were going to pick up. My eyes scanned the vibrant aisles and screeched to a halt as I saw the pop star’s picture on a clothing rack. I eagerly took off to the crop tops, holding up a baby blue one to my body. My little girl belly pugged out below where the crop top would’ve ended if I were actually to wear it. I looked at my slightly protruding belly and then lifted my eyes to gaze at the pop star’s mature, flat physique. My heart filled with an unusual feeling and sank. I had never thought of myself as not enough.
“Sissy?” My mom called.
My sad eyes shifted to my mom. She studied me and tilted her head. “Honey, you don’t want to look like her.” She said, paused, then said. “You’re a beautiful, healthy little girl.”
I remember that scene so clearly. That was a monumental moment for me. My first bout of hearing negative words from the enemy. Words claiming I wasn’t good enough and words of doubt about the Potter who skillfully created me.
I’m so thankful the Lord gave my mom insight into the internal battle and wisdom to speak words of truth into my hurting mind.
I still struggle with how I see myself. It is a constant fight to fill myself with the Truth (yes, with a capital “T”). God’s Word soothes an aching mind, switching any downward spiraling perspectives. Time with Him helps us be in awe of who He is. We get so distracted with trying to fit into the world. Our ears are listening, our eyes are watching, and we are constantly processing what agenda the adversary is shoving our way.
We focus on trying to put on something new, try our makeup a certain way, work out a little harder, eat differently to achieve that look, or even more dangerous avenues.
All for what?
To attain the perfect look?
To reach peak happiness?
To one-up those around us or those we see on social media?
I think there are a few important questions to ask yourself. Why do I want to look this way? Why does it matter to me? Who told me this was best?
Spend a couple of minutes earnestly seeking an answer. Ask the Lord to help you.
If we step back to my six-year-old self, the answer would have been, ‘I want to look that way because my favorite pop star looks that way. She is famous and has all the money and must live the most wonderful life and I’m missing out because I’m not like her. All the praise she gets is what told me it was best.’
Those questions are answered differently nowadays! However, I still have new lies that creep in telling me I’m not enough because of this reason or the other. The number one way to combat these lies is to redirect your mindset. Recently, I was struggling with unexpected weight gain, and it threw me for a loop. I kept having to point my mind back to Christ. But what a struggle that was! The enemy is so crafty at letting the thoughts continually pop up, and of course, I kept giving in and letting it consume my mind.
The thing that finally broke the cycle, months and months of that ridiculous cycle, was when my family needed me in a way I was unable to help. I had to run to the Lord and ask for wisdom, dive into the Word, and cling to prayer. Suddenly, I noticed I had not thought of my weight gain in weeks.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10
I realized I had started to use my body and mind for good works. I was focusing on His kingdom and not distracted by the things of this world.
“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” 1 Peter 3:3-4
Look at the definition of adorning: ornamenting or decorating, adding to beauty, or making something beautiful by adding external ornaments or dress.
I do not think there is anything wrong with dressing up or taking care of yourself. I do think the Lord is trying to protect us from going down the ‘adorning’ rabbit hole. If we start to see ourselves as not enough, being consumed with thoughts of our appearance, it is most likely a distraction sent by the enemy. We have to redirect our eyes to the Lord.
Maybe today you’ve realized you are on a merry-go-round thought pattern. I pray that today you are able to identify the lies, combat them with the Lord’s Truth, and step off the ride into the freedom the Lord has for you.
Love, Hillary ❤️
