Challenge Accepted
Journeying through this beautiful life of mine, I have been able to experience and learn a lot. Recently, as I've reflected on the different stages of my life, I found that my current situation has brought a lot of clarity.
As a single mom, I am responsible for making sure all the bills are paid, food is in the fridge, and my children are taken care of and have a comfortable place to live. Before, I had someone to lean on, and now, it’s just me. Handling school pick-ups, activities, sickness, appointments, car issues, springing awake to security alarms malfunctioning in the middle of the night… ugh… all while trying to make a living has been interesting, to say the least. All eyes are on me, and that pressure can be heavy.
It gives me a perspective I didn’t have before. Obviously, we don’t know what we don’t know, but now that I know, I have mad respect for those holding down the financial fort.
When I was married, I worked most of our marriage, and when we had kids, I was a stay-at-home mom. As I was thinking about each of these different stages, I have come to realize that even though they’re different, they all share something in common.
Yep, they are all challenging!
I understand what it’s like to be a newly married working couple. You’re maneuvering through work schedules, figuring out who’s doing chores, finding time for hobbies, all while trying to make time for each other so you can keep that spark alive.
These times are hard because you’re getting to know each other on a whole new level than when you were dating. What was once cute and quirky quickly becomes the opposite of that. You get to see sides of one another that were able to be hidden before. Priorities start to shift, habits are revealed, and moods are in full swing.
Then come babies.
I understand the privilege and challenge of staying at home while raising babies. It’s physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. The smallest task of taking a shower now becomes a reward. Your body and life are being controlled by sweet, innocent, little humans every minute of every day. All you want to do when your spouse gets home is hand over the babies and hide, but you can’t because, if you breastfeed, they literally need your body to eat.
This time in a woman’s life seems a little unfair, haha. It takes two to make a baby, but most of the responsibility lies on the momma. After being worn out and stretched out physically for 9 months, you now have to face sleepless months of late-night feedings. Then having to function during the day as a normal human in charge of humans while you feel anything but normal because your body is literally spazzing out trying to adjust hormonally is brutal. Let’s not even talk about trying to appear desirable or really just smell desirable to your husband because that’s a task not even on the survival radar. Yes, that’s what this time of your life is called: Survival.
Then, if you’re like me, and hopefully you’re not, you find yourself single again and raising those sweet growing babies.
This is where all the challenges listed above join together and become one, for better or worse, landing solely on your shoulders. When you were married, you had some support, but now, if you’re lucky, all you have is child support.
No, this is not an oh-whoa-is-me-sob-story.
It’s perspective.
I know you know what your life is like, but what about your partner's or your kids'? Yes, life is a lot, and trying to think about someone else’s can seem like it’s too much to handle, but it’s so important to try to see each other so you can truly see each other.
Working while having a home and relationships to tend to is exhausting. Everything is important and needs your full attention. Your job makes demands you need to meet in order to get paid. Your home needs constant maintenance to keep it standing. Your relationships need constant attention to stay healthy, and you’ll fit things in for yourself somewhere on down the line of life.
I know what it’s like to stay home and manage a family. It’s a lot of work for no money. It’s definitely not sitting on the sofa doing nothing. It truly is a 24-7-365 schedule, with no PTO in sight.
I also know what it’s like to work all day and come home, only to face the pressing family demands all on your own. You’ve just given your all at work, and now you have to go home and do it all over again.
The moral of the story: Life is a lot for everyone.
We have to remember this is not our world, and everyone just gets to live in it. I’m not saying to put more on your plate to lighten others’ loads; I mean, if you can, then yes! If your spouse is weighed down with all the kids and you’re over there living your best life hands-free, then get a clue and take a kid.
But really, all I am suggesting is to be supportive without being burdened. Maybe even think about reevaluating some things that can lessen the load, if possible. You don’t have to have every little thing in life. I found that having sanity is worth more than any stressful work environment, even if it means giving up some things.
It’s easy to get in go-mode and forget there are other people with us, and that can get dangerous because we can become so focused that we lose focus.
Listen, we can’t get so immersed in making a living that we forget to make living worth living. Some people know more about their growing 401 (k) than they do about their growing kids. I didn’t believe it when I was in the trenches of raising babies, but I see now how quickly time passes with them. One day you’re teaching them to use the potty and the next you’re teaching them to drive a car!
I recently had to break away from social media because I realized my desire for connection was being satisfied by Instagram instead of my Insta-family sitting right there on the couch! Instead of grabbing my phone to scroll, I started grabbing my kid up to cuddle. :)
I am not saying any of this to blame or cause shame and guilt. I truly was reminded by my own circumstances that I have a tendency to get so caught up in my world that I forget to remember others. Once I realized this, I didn’t feel shame; I felt compassion, and boy, does this world need more of that!
My prayer for us both, sweet friend, is that, with each day we have the honor of waking up, we don’t let the pressures of life make us lose perspective on what life is truly about. We each have been gifted with some sweet relationships in our very own home that could probably use a little more TLC.
Appreciation can change so much in a relationship.
Can you imagine the feeling you would get if your child came to you and genuinely said, “Thank you for what you do for our family. I may not say it enough, but I see it all.” Or your spouse looked at you face to face and told you how much they truly appreciate and love all the hard work you put into taking care of the home. Just typing this out makes my heart swell up for you.
Even your boss coming to you and simply telling you how much they notice all your hard work would energize your spirits, I know. Yes, you get paid to do a good job, but appreciation is always a needed bonus.
Now what if you were the one to share those sweet sentiments with someone you loved? I know it may not be in your nature, or you may feel like too much damage has been done for it to matter. Let me tell you something: walls are built one brick at a time, and they can absolutely be taken down one brick at a time. The best way to bust down a wall is always through love. Just look at the example of our sweet Lord.
I love the scripture in Romans that says it’s the goodness of God that leads us to repentance. It’s with love that wounds can be healed, and relationships can be restored.
It’s sitting down with your child and getting out of your world and into theirs that matters more than you know. I know at certain ages they may seem like they couldn't care less, but I promise that is furthest from the truth.
So that’s it, friend. That’s the lesson of life for us both. May we never create a world that revolves around us. Let us always create a world that centers around those we love.
Yes, it may be challenging, but what isn’t?
