5 years ago, God gave me specific instructions to “Be still.” I had just separated from my husband of almost 16 years and was living at my parent’s house with my 2 small children. Thankfully, I was in a place where I could follow His instruction and I did. It was hard, but He was with me every step of the wait.
He instructed me about my divorce that would soon take place. After it was finalized I tried to move and start a new life, but He gave me further instructions to wait for a job offer that would soon come.
So I waited.
I didn’t know where this job offer would come from, but I did have an idea of when it would come. Three months later, my pastor from the church my ex-husband and I used to attend contacted me out of the blue and offered me a job. Not once in the 8 months I was living with my parents had I talked with him and now He is offering me the job God told me to wait for. Problem was it was about 4 hours away from my family and it took me back to the place of hurt that I wanted to stay far away from. But I packed up my boys and that’s where we headed.
This has been the hardest time of my life. It’s a time I have been completely out of control. I have truly been at a place where I have submitted totally to Him leaving my whole world in His hands. I love it, but it has also been so uncomfortable because I have had to release control.
For so long I had my hands clenched so tightly thinking I was holding it all together when in reality, it was already gone. Opening my life to God in this way has been so freeing, humbling, and extremely unnatural. I have had to fight myself on so many things. Old habits, old insecurities, old ways of thinking, old lies have all been right there trying to pull me back to my old self. It’s been a minute by minute struggle at times to be still.
To be clear, when I say “be still” or “wait” I am not meaning sitting and not moving. There are obviously things I have to do on a day to day basis, but waiting on the Lord and being still for me has meant not making any major decisions or moves unless He has made the way clear. I’m not saying I have been perfect, but He has been right there to reel me back in.
I have grown so much as I wait. I have gained confidence, strength, peace, and most of all healing. I have truly been in a deep healing process that would not have been possible had I been impatient and followed my own way. I see now how good God really is. I spent so much of this process angry at God and questioning His ways only to find out He was healing me this whole time. My focus was all on someone else and His was all on me.
Be encouraged, if you are waiting on God for something it is not time wasted. He is working in your waiting. He has not forgotten about you. He is not too busy with more important things. He is working and there is something happening within you especially.
I used to let God know how fleeting my time on earth was and all this waiting was a waste of my very short life. Until recently, He showed me why I was waiting. I was growing. I was being strengthened in my faith and obedience. I was becoming more submissive to Him and His ways. My trust in Him was being made stronger. I was healing so that whatever comes next in my life, I will be ready. I was being released from the old plow I had been hanging on to so I wouldn’t keep looking back at what was. I was being made free from my past so I could move forward into my future.
Why all the waiting, you may ask? Because something amazing is coming and you are being prepared. Your foundation is being strengthened. Your eyes are being opened and your hearing is being made clear. You are learning to surrender and say “Not my will, but Yours be done.”
Waiting is not a waste. It is a necessity.
